Monday, February 1, 2016

Pregnancy After Miscarriage or Loss

So here I am, pregnant again. I wish I could be over joyed and happy about it. Honestly I wish I could. But sadly my feelings of this pregnancy have been, denial, fear, anger, frustration, sadness. I don't think I have really celebrated the fact that I am expecting yet. I mean, I can't even say "I'm pregnant," out loud. It's been, "another one is on the way." or, "we're expecting, again." but inside. yeah. I am scared. I am scared Sh**less! That's the truth. I am trying not to let my feelings run me. Or trying to let my fears overcome me. I have been reading a lot of positive books to help me just have faith, and hope, and confidence that this will work.

These feelings are real. They are true. And I can almost guarantee that any woman who has gone through a miscarriage (and knew about it) or a loss has felt these feelings one time or another when they found out they were expecting again. It is so hard to get excited for something that can easily just disappear. It is so hard to want to open yourself back up for the possibility to be broken hearted again. I literally had a cry fest and lost it when I was in my docs office. Because I told him I was so scared for the same thing to happen to me again. I didn't and don't want to go through that again, nor do I want to almost lose my life again.

If you have friends who have gone through a miscarriage or loss, they might not tell you until they are much further along about the fact that they are expecting. I only did, because of what I do. And honestly, I hate having to cover up how my workouts have been suffering  because I am exhausted, or I am so sick to my stomach. So for me it was only natural to let everyone know so early. Plus, we really feel it is important to honor every pregnancy no matter how long because it took us so long to get pregnant. It truly is a blessing that I can get pregnant naturally now.

If you have friends who are pregnant again, support them. Be excited for them. Because they are scared. They need someone strong for them, to believe that everything is going to be ok, even though they don't believe it themselves. Talk with them. Encourage them to get out, exercise, eat healthy. Not to stay in. Because that can cause them to reflect on their pregnancy and former loss. Oh and yes, encourage them to go on a walk with you, or ask about exercise. Because they are not going to want to for fear that they are going to cause another miscarriage. The best thing they can do for themselves and baby, is to be as healthy as possible. I honestly believe, since this is now my 6th pregnancy, that if it is meant to happen, it will happen. There is nothing that I can do to stop a miscarriage.

For me I am just trying to take each day as it goes. Praying that I make it one more day and that the little soul inside of me is developing perfectly. That all will go well, and that we will get to meet our new baby in about 8 months from now.

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