Blessing In Disguise...

We have received more information about why this happened and how much of a blessing in disguise this actually was. If you missed what happen you can read my experiences with my 3rd miscarriage here. Crazy to think that it was a blessing but you will see...

Monday before discharge my doc came in to talk to us. Matt was there this time to hear all the lovely details. My doc repeated a lot of the same info he had told me, and I seemed better able to understand what he was saying and not so "out of it."

He told us how the placenta did detach from the uterus but not all the way. I passed the baby but not the placenta. I probably passed the baby around 11:30pm or so and continued to bleed until surgery which wasn't until after 1am. I started to hemorrhage because my body was trying to get the placenta out but it wouldn't release like it should have and I just had a gaping open wound that wasn't being able to close up. Thankfully I am a good blood clotter because I could have bleed out a lot sooner than I did. (I really think I was being watched over. It wasn't my time to go.) By the time I was in surgery I had lost 4 units of blood and it was still just coming out.

My doc said most people don't realize how lifesaving a D&E surgery can be. He stating again that I would have died before passing the placenta naturally, which is really freaky to think about for me and for my family.

My doc also mentioned that during the surgery that he noticed a funny smell to my placenta. I know that sound weird but that is often how an infection is found during surgery. My BFF K used to be an OR nurse and we were talking about it and it is a very pronounce smell that just isn't quite right. With the room as sterile as it is smells stand out. Doc is pretty sure that the reason why my placenta detached is because it was dying. It was infected. Therefore it was infecting the baby. Because it was so early in the pregnancy had I remained pregnant she wouldn't have survived, or would have had birth defects. And in regards to me the infection could have been a silent killer to me. I would have gotten really sick and they wouldn't have know to test my placenta for an infection. I could have gone septic and then also again, died from that. Or the infection could have infected my uterus and I could have lost it and lost the chance to have any more children. See what I mean. This miscarriage was a blessing in disguise. The placenta was sent to the pathology lab for testing and to confirm the infection but my doc is so awesome and knows what he is doing that we are pretty sure this is what it was. But we have not received the pathology report back yet.

What a strange turn of events. Obviously I have a guardian angel looking out for me and it certainly isn't my time to go just yet.

Oh and one more piece to the puzzle. Remember how I was spotting 2 weeks ago and that put me on bed rest so that I couldn't do the 10 miler. Doc said that had I had done the 10 miler, the placenta more than likely would have ripped more forcefully away causing a bigger hole. Mine ripped but not too much (remember the pop I felt). But had I been running I would have probably died on the course from blood loss right there. So HELLO, so glad I didn't do the race.

I have felt a weight lifted from me knowing this. And I feel ready to talk about my emotions I think. Give me another day or two to put it down but I certainly feel more at peace with what happened.

I have received an overwhelming response to Monday's post. I guess there just isn't a lot of miscarriage material out there. I have been thanked for sharing my story and for the strength that I have to relive it through writing it. But it needs to be done. I am so glad to share what I can. There is more to the miscarriage than I wrote but I wanted to spare people with the graphic details of the more unpleasant things I experienced. I pray I never have to go through anything like that again. But I am at peace now. I know that this was God's will and plan for me. This has helped strengthen me in ways I never knew could. And most of the strength I have felt have been from each of you. From the prayers to thoughts, it has truly been an amazing experience. Thank you friends for all of your support.

Our Loss

I am so sad to share with you that Saturday night I lost the baby. This is a very detailed account so if you don't want to continue reading stop here! You have been warned.

I have a lead in to it. As you know about 2 weeks ago I had some spotting. Baby was fine. No worries. We heard the heartbeat and it was fine. I asked the doctor. What do I do if the bleeding gets worse. He said that if something bad is going to happen that it is going to happen really quick. And we will know it.

I had my 13 weeks ultrasound NT scan to check for chromosomal deficiencies on Friday afternoon. SHE was just fine. That is right, the doc gave us an 80% chance that it was our little girl. We never saw anything out of the ordinary. I even asked him to look for why I was spotting the other week. Nothing. So I was clear to do a little exercise, or walking again.

Saturday, I volunteered at the Charlottesville 10 miler. If you can't join them, cheer them on! And then came home, rested and then started making a nice dinner for some friends who were coming over for dinner. Matt and I put the kids down for bed, they seemed extra tired a little earlier than normal, a blessing in disguise. And Matt and I went back downstairs to start cleaning up the mess from dinner.

That is when I felt it. Too much stuff down there. I ran to the bathroom and the bleeding wouldn't stop. I called a church friend and neighbor and before I finished saying, "C I need you to come over and help." She was already running out of her house to come over. She stayed the whole night with 2 kids who knew that something wasn't right.

Matt sped to the ER close to our home and we were admitted. The bleeding stopped for a little while. We waited for the nurse to come in a take my vitals and they tried to listen to the heartbeat and they couldn't find it, but I was feeling her kicking at me. So I knew she was ok. I got an ultrasound and the tech showed me right away her heartbeat and bouncing up and down. She was ok. Just fine. Then the tech did her job trying to find out what was going on. She kept commenting on how active the baby was.

We got sent back to our room and waited and waited. About 30 min later. I felt this POP! in my lower abdomen and I just started gushing liquid. I cried out because I couldn't control it and it frankly it scared the crap out of me! The entire ER staff came rushing in. The doc said that in the ultrasound they saw that the amniotic sac was already protruding down through the cervix and a miscarriage was imminent. And was starting. I started crying. FREAKING OUT is more like it. I continued to have these surges of gushes over the next few hours.

Before some of the gushes I would get a severe cramp and my ears would clog up. I started to feel dizzy and became delirious. My blood pressure dropped significantly and the docs started to pump me full of fluids to get my BP up and stabilized. I was begging for some drugs and they wouldn't give me any. I also was begging for water. I was so thirsty and I was refused that too. They said that they didn't want me to get sick.

I had 4 rounds of my BP dropping quite a bit and lots of blood. At some point I passed the baby, but they never told me when. But I was still bleeding quite a bit even after the baby. By the 4th BP drop they were getting concerned. They took my blood levels again to compare my beginning levels. I had lost 3 units of blood. That is a lot in their speak. They called my OB who they had been talking to and told him my blood levels. He requested that I be transferred to the main hospital to be examined by him, and possible surgery. Things were getting serious at this point. They did another blood pull before I left. Just as I was strapped up in the gurney for the ambulance.

I rode with lights and sirens to the hospital about 2o min away, it is faster when all the lights are green for you! Got to the ER at the hospital and was told I was scheduled for surgery for a D&E. Where they go in and scrape out anything that won't come out on their own. I got admitted by the OR people and went back. Got oxygen and don't even remember falling asleep. Next thing I knew I was in recovery. They told me that the surgery lasted 30 min, 15 min longer than I was originally told. And that I did very well.

My doc came in and said that I had a placenta abruption and that it is a very serious thing. Basically the placenta detached from the uterus. That is the cause of the gushing of blood. But not all of the placenta had detached. and that was very serious. When that happens, the uterus can not clamp down all the way and a large gaping hole is exposed and pumping blood out and won't close like it is supposed to. My doc said that by the time I got to surgery I had lost over 4 units of blood. (I later learned that is equal to 1/4 of all my blood in my body and is quite a bit!) And had I not had the surgery when I did, I might not have made it. He saved my life.

Fast forward to after. I was admitted as a patient to the hospital. When my doc came in the next morning. I had been having more dizzy spells every time I went to the bathroom and just felt weak and just out of it. I signed blood transfusion paperwork just in case I would need it. Never did. My blood work came back as severely anemic but not as bad as I was just a few hours prior. My body was building it back up on it's own. All day Sunday I was still dizzy if I sat up too long, or got up to go to the bathroom. I had a lovely extended stay at the hospital for another night for monitoring and getting released this morning to go home.

It was a very traumatic experience to go through. I left out some details about the miscarriage on purpose. If you are ever curious about that let me know and we can talk but it was so hard to go through that.

How am I doing? I am an emotional wreck. I actually found a way to cope with my emotions by avoiding one topic about the miscarriage of how I am feeling and basically flipped my emotion switch to off until I am ready to deal with what happened emotionally. I need to let my body heal. It is kind of a weird feeling being emotionally separated. Not to say I am not sad but I have had some pretty awful feelings that I just can't handle right now.

I have been grieving in my own way. My family has been grieving. My boys have been with church family all day Sunday and Sunday night. They will go with another family Monday as well. my church is really taking care of me. My sis in law arrives tomorrow morning after a red eye train ride. She will leave on Wednesday evening and that is when my mother arrives to help out for the next week. Including the church I am feeling very blessed and loved with all of the support we have received in this very difficult time in our lives.

I will miss being pregnant. I already feel hollow and empty. I had been feeling her kick for the last 2.5 weeks and now nothing. Just a flabby tummy where my belly had already started to expand. I will miss not having my little girl join our family in September as I was so excited for her to do. But someday we will have another child and hopefully it will be our little girl. Please forgive my lack of posts lately as I am deal with this. I thank you for sticking around and for your support. You love is felt 10 fold and it gives me strength that I didn't know I had. Thank you my friends.

**Update: We have received some new information on how this miscarriage might actually have been a blessing in disguise. Read about it out here.

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Wake-Up Workout

I love my bed in the morning, and on cool mornings like this I just don't want to get out of bed. So why not start your morning with a little workout right in your bed! Check out below to start your day right! Happy morning! 

The "NO" Syndrome

Why is it that when you are told "NO" in doing something that it is the only time that you want to actually do what you are told not to do?

I feel like a kid. "Don't push that red button!" "Don't jump on your bed?" Seriously, my legs were burning all day yesterday to go running. It is so weird. Have I had this insane desire to go running the past week or so while my kids have been sick and I have been exhausted from taking care of a sick family? A little, but not like this. My legs last night were seriously on FIRE wanting to go running. And I can't.

I am ok with that because I want to do what is best for the baby. But I guess that my legs didn't get the memo.

So right now, running and exercise in general is on hold until the 20th until I have my ultrasound. It is going to be a long 8 days. At least I know that I still want to keep exercising. Maybe this is the turning point in my pregnancy where I will get some of my energy back and will be able to make it to the gym on a regular basis. This modified bed rest momma can only hope!

Just Roll With It

This pregnancy has been HARD! I have suffered from massive migraines, morning sickness, motion sickness while on exercise machines and just overall exhaustion. No wonder, I am making a baby, nursing another baby and trying to train for my 10 miler which is only 10 days away.

Sadly today, I was told that one of those things has to go.

I had some spontaneous spotting today. I was doing nothing. Just relaxing, as I had just told Matt. Needless to say it ended up with me going to my doc 2 days earlier than my regularly scheduled appointment for the week. I was freaking out. A crying mess. I can't go through another miscarriage. Is all I kept saying in my mind.

Thankfully my doc's office got me in right away. I didn't even have to sit out in the waiting room. I was sent right back. Doc did an exam. Noticed the bleeding. Then he said that my uterus is growing and has already popped out of my pelvis (I'm just shy of 12 weeks and that happens at 12 weeks).

Next came the doppler. We needed to hear the heart beat. Doc was listening. I reminded him about my tilted backwards uterus. So he did some pushing on my belly and then we heard this thump. Thump, thump. Like his hand knocking the doppler, but it wasn't. He said, "I think that is the baby kicking." Then a few more thumps. "Yep, that's the baby. Now where is your heartbeat little feisty baby!" Then within just a few seconds he found the solid strong heartbeat.

Doc said that I had a ruptured blood vessel and that since we heard the baby's heartbeat, and it was kicking that everything is fine. HOWEVER, I am on a modified bed rest. UGH! First thing I asked, making sure that the baby was fine, then I asked, "so no 10 miler this year." NOPE. And guess what. I am a little sad about it because I have been training my butt off for that run and have already run most of the course but for the safety of the baby and for me, it is just going to have to give.

10 days away from my big race I have been planning and prepping for since, what? Last summer. Is now not happening. I will be volunteering though. Helping out in anyway I can. Here is the thing, there are other 10 milers. I know I can do it now and I am kind of strangely excited to run the race, next year, or when it is right for me. But for now. Time to take it easy. Take care of my baby growing inside me and enjoy the fact that my baby is fine.

I am excited though, because in 9 days, I will get to see this feisty little one again with my next ultrasound. I will keep you all posted and can't wait to share the pictures then!

Thanks for reading along and following along in this crazy adventure of my life!

Spring Race Season IS HERE!

It's time to lace up your running shoes! IT IS RACE SEASON! I don't know about you but my Facebook feed and Twitter are exploding with more and more of my friends participating in a spring race this season! I LOVE IT! What a great goal for everyone to have.

Let me tell you that if you want to start running or maybe change your lifestyle to be more active, participating in a local race is the WAY TO START! I know that the thought of running in a 5k is scary and it just might not be you. But what I have seen is that more and more races are walk friendly or a slower run/walk pace friendly. Race coordinators are noticing that walkers are taking the race circuit by storm now! AND GUESS WHAT? It doesn't matter if you walk a race or run it. The mileage is still the same for everyone. If a race is not walking friendly the race page will say, "run only" or it will give a time limit for the race or pace per mile required. A walking pace per mile is a 15 min per mile and slower.

Don't let the time limits hinder you from registering either because some of the races will say that roads are closed for X amount of time and you may continue, but you must move to the sidewalk and obey traffic signals. 

Why look into a local race? So you don't have to travel very far and hopefully the cost will be a little less than a "bigger" race. There are tons of St. Patricks Day race themes right now. But because the weather is AMAZING in most of the country this is the race season. Go ahead and try.

Need to find a race in your neck of the woods? Go here! Runners World Race Finder

Snow Day...AGAIN!

Here we are on the 5th day of March and it is another snow day. What is cool about it is that Daddy even has to stay home from work. We might live across the street from his work but work said, "Nope! Stay home!" It is really nice because it gives him a day off since he won't have one this week due to military training. So we get a whole day to be together... The whole family! Stuck inside... THE WHOLE DAY!

Our snow days consist of a yummy breakfast, today we opted for Starbucks. And I usually try to make something homemade. Usually the yummy variety. And watching the snow fall outside. Mason loves to sit around and read books on my table from the Reading Rainbow App. Collin is just crawling around the house, exploring and babbling and standing up next to anything he can get stand up against. (Poor kid has a runny nose this morning thanks to his shots he got yesterday at his check up.)

That also means no gym for Matt, his work gym is closed. And you do not want me on the roads in snow to go to my gym, which is also closed. I am the driver that you should be scared of. I hate driving in snow. Scares me to death so I don't do it. EVER! Thankfully everything shuts down in this town when it snows!

(2 days ago before the new snow!)

Time to just relax, put on a good movie and chill with my family on this wonderful snowy day. So thankful for these days in my life. Later if we get enough snow Mason will go out sledding. Burn off some of his energy. One can only hope though.

Morning Sickness and Exercise DON'T MIX!

Here is what I am dealing with right now. Getting motion sickness on the treadmill or elliptical from my morning sickness. UGH! How awful is that. This past Saturday I was supposed to do 8.5 miles. Things didn't quite go as planned.

Matt was being super awesome this past Saturday and let me sleep in. And then he kicked me out of the house around 10 to go to the gym, since I hadn't made it there all week since Mason had pink eye. I ate a good typical breakfast before heading to the gym, and that was probably why I got sick. I normally don't eat eggs and toast before I go on a long run or before races. I eat a banana and cereal bar and drink a ton of water. That is my Saturday morning regime. I then eat a bigger breakfast after my run.

I headed off to the gym and found a treadmill. The place was packed. Around mile 2.5 I started to feel a little off I wanted to get off the machine. But I kept going. By 3.5 miles I knew I was toast and forced myself to make it to an even 4 miles. I puked in my mouth a couple of times during that last .5 miles but I did it. Sadly, I didn't get my long run in, and it was supposed to be my last BIG long run before my 10 miler in 3 weeks. So this Saturday I have to do at least 8 miles to make up for my lack of milage from this past Sat.

I even came home and rested for a little while then decided to try an in home walking DVD I have. I couldn't even make it .5 miles without getting sick. My body just said NO WAY to me doing anything. I went upstairs and took a nap and felt better when I woke up.

I am 10 weeks pregnant now and I am looking forward to my morning sickness going AWAY! And hopefully it won't be that bad for the 10 miler where I will be 13 weeks.

Moral of the story. Don't eat a regular sized breakfast before a long run. And to listen to your body. There are going to be days where your body says NO! And you just have to listen to it. And it is ok! I still have 1 Saturday left to do 8 miles and still feel prepared to run in the 10 miler. I know I will do the 10 miler and be fine. I might not do it in the time I want to but darn it I will do it!

Love Rox 10k Race Recap- Richmond, VA

My FEBRUARY 2015 Race is DONE! This past Sunday I participated in the Love Rox 10k. There was a 5k and 1/2 marathon option too, but the 10k is what I needed for my training books and I just really like doing a 10k distance. It's not too short or too long!

~Our drive over, we got slammed with snow the day before!~

Saturday was packet pickup and we were snowed in and couldn't get out to Richmond to pick up our "packet". So I sent them a couple of email request for us to pick it up early Sunday morning, which was an option to do but they had said only with permission was it allowed. I received my confirmation emails at about 8pm, 5 hours after the expo closed.

We left our house at 6:15am on Sunday morning and made our way slowly to Richmond. Everything was still pretty icy so we were taking it nice and easy. We arrived at 8am and I ran inside the building to get my packet while Matt and the boys stayed in the van. I was so glad that we didn't drive all the way to Richmond the day before anyways to get our packet because it was just the bib and a shirt and that was it. They had a couple of vendors there but not much so if I did this race next year, I would automatically ask for Sunday pickup. It's an hour and a half to get there.

~Collin all bundled up for the cold! Cute little wave!~

Now it was just time to wait for my race to start which wasn't until 10. The 5k began at 9am. I ran back out and had Matt and the boys come in the convention center where it was nice and warm and there was a HUGE lobby where Mason was asking daddy to "race" him. Super cute. (Next time I do a Disney race, Mason will be doing the kids races!)

~Pre race fun~

When it was time for me to go out, I realized I forgot my earbuds in the van. Matt ran back really fast and got them for me, MY HERO!

The race started a good 10 minutes late. But what was really neat, I looked to my right and Mason and my boys were waving at me through one of the windows. It was super cute when Mason realized that I was outside and he kept pointing to Matt saying, "Mommy's outside!"

I was in the 3rd wave to begin. And then I was off. I was told by another person that the first mile was downhill. I was excited about that and I know better than to just go, but I am not going to lie, that downhill was pretty fun and I did a 12 min mile for the first mile. BAD BECKY! However, that first fast mile was probably my saving grace for the pace for the rest of the race. As we go to the low point of the course, along the James River things got icy and slick pretty quick. This is where I did a lot of walking. Being pregnant I did not want to risk slipping and falling. NOPE. So safety is the key. I actually really enjoyed taking in the sites of the old buildings and of the frozen James River. It was so pretty.

As we crossed our first bridge I started to run a little and walk a little. I tried to time myself with the lamp posts, and this became my pattern for the rest of the run. I chatted with another redhead on the way she has longer legs than me and her stride for walking was bigger so she passed me around mile 3, and I actually ended up tailing her until the very end where I finally passed her.

Next came the slow assent back up to the next bridge, where we had to stop traffic to run around a HUGE puddle. Again I was running 2 lamp posts and walking 1 at this point. And then the assent from the bridge back up to the downtown area.

The end of the race, my body was done. I was tired but could still go. I finally caught up to the red head and then passed her. Looked down at my watch and we had just passed the 6.2 mile mark and the finish line was NO WHERE TO BE SEEN! They had told us that the 10k people would have to run an a few extra yards to the finish, but my Garmin clocked the finish at 6.5 miles. UGH! So my official finish time was slower than I wanted and I can't use my time for the next Disney race. BUMMER! I was aiming for 1 hour 30 min finish time. I did the 10k in 1:32:32 but finished the race in 1:36:25. Mile 3 and beyond I was able to have positive splits so I am actually surprised and happy with that! Oh and per my Garmin I did the fastest 5k to date: 45:24!

My splits: 
Mile 1: 12:52
Mile 2: 14:53
Mile 3: 15:55
Mile 4: 15:28
Mile 5: 15:18
Mile 6: 14:45
Mile 6.5: 14:53

Avg. pace: 14:51 - 9 weeks pregnant

Life Is Never Boring

Wow! Life in the Allen home certainly is never, ever boring. We are dealing with our first attack of pink eye. Poor Mason has it and hoping that Collin and I don't get it either. No idea where he got it. But yesterday I had to tell all my students that he has it and everyone he has been in contact with, and all the other students I teach. And also deal with Mason and his goopey pink eye and grumpy sickness personality. Poor kid. So that is our happenings right now. I will have a race recap up at the end of the week.