Friday, May 1, 2015

Body Dysmorphic Disorder


I mentioned this in a previous post that I was having some serious body dysmorphia. Here is what it is. *Please know I have not been clinically diagnosed with this disorder but it is a real thing. I have been like this before.* Basically is is body shamming of your own body. Where you spend a substantial amount of time a day thinking about the flaws of your body and how to hid or improve them. You see your body in a negative light regardless of how it really is. You can't see yourself correctly. I feel like I am looking in a fun house mirror right now and I have been trying to avoid the mirror at all costs.

Since the miscarriage I have been so disappointed with my belly size. It has been a constant reminder of what is not growing in there any more. My scale was broken so I couldn't be obsessed with my weight, which is a good thing but nothing fits me right anymore.

Before going to the gym I have been changing my shirts multiple times trying to find one that would "hide" my belly more so I wouldn't look as bad as I think I do. None of my pants fit and all my shirts are too tight in the belly and I don't want to wear my maternity shirts anymore because I can't handle it.

I spoke with a counselor the other day on the phone because I needed to speak with one and her first question, "How are you feeling?" "FAT" is how I responded. Seriously the first thing out of my mouth was be belittling my body.

I have been like this before and I learned to love my body for me. Seriously. I do love my body. It has done amazing things. I have done a 1/2 marathon. Trained for a 10 miler. I have carried and birthed 2 healthy boys. I have nursed for 27 months now (not all in a row of course.) It is amazing but I am not happy with the shape of my body and how I look. People have been telling me, "It's ok. You were pregnant. It is going to take time to get back to normal." But what do you do when you can't fit anything? Yoga pants everyday? Yep, cause that is all that fits. And skirts.

It is not ok to hate your body. We all have flaws. And it is ok. I will forever have stretch marks from when I gained weight too fast before I even had any kids. On the flip side, I have a killer smile that I LOVE! I have a fun loving personality and I love teaching. So now that I recognize that I have a problem with how I have been looking at myself it is time to turn it around and do something about it!

One thing that I do know, is that if I am truly so displeased with my body shape than I can do something about it. Exercise. And eating better. That will help my body shed the weight but it will take work. And that is exactly what I need right now. I need some busy work to get me to lose this weight. It's ok to want to make yourself healthy but to do it in a healthy manner. Hating yourself and feeling completely disgusted with how you look is not healthy. You can talk to someone, you can talk to me and we can work through it together.

Goals:
~Speak with a counselor to work through my miscarriage.
~Drink Shakeology everyday to get my superfood that my body needs to help me be as healthy as possible!
~Exercise 4-5 days a week. 2 days on cardio and 2 days on strength training specifically.
~Make smart eating choices. Smaller appropriate portions and eat more veggies.

If you want to join me in my journey to a healthy you, please let me know! I can start up a private Facebook group and we can do this TOGETHER! Email me at connectthedotsginger@gmail.com or comment below!


QOTD: Have you ever felt like this? Not happy with something about you? What did you do to overcome the feelings?

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